Jeremy Kyle vs Gay Dog Porn

I have been trying to settle back down into a routine blogging about all the exciting things i'm doing but i realised that i haven't really been doing anything for the last 2 weeks but fasting, colonic irrigation and chatting then a lot of sitting or lying on the beach, occasional massage, dancing, drinking and chatting...swimming.... that's about it, which has been wonderful.but every time i go to pen to paper my mind wanders a little.  I realised I'd better think of a new angle and a snappy headline to drag readers attention back, in case they had waned in the lack of interesting input.

The only traffic I can hear is the occasional long-tail boat, that can take you to Had rin.  and the odd jet ski.  nothing happens except meetng people, hanging out, relaxing, eating and partying. Things are so different here.  or rather as they say here, same same but different.

In fact, since the stay at Tenko, this beach has been so perfect that i decided to try and get an unbiased opinion, So I canvassed around the people I met yesterday on the beach and asked them for their biggest complaint about staying here, and asked them to agree on the 10 worst

1)      Yesterday, someone had a small fly fly into his papaya juice when he still had ¼ of a glass left.
2)      It was generally agreed that you do get quite a lot of sand between your toes
3)      And also in your bellybutton
4)      Sometimes the palm trees swish a little too loudly at night so you cant quite hear the sea properly
5)         really really buff tanned muscular young men playing volleyball sometimes interfere with the view of the turquoise sea and soft white sand and blue sky
6)      People are too friendly
7)      Sometimes, if the waiter’s busy you have to walk 10 metres to the bar.
8)      Once in every 10 times that you go into the sea, the sea isn’t exactly the perfect temperature for a few seconds
9)      Ice cream headaches
10)   Gay dog porn on the beach

So there you are.  There’s all the negative stuff.  Otherwise it’s just about the best and most beautiful place ever. If you are here for more than a week you know loads of people,.... to the extent that people actually gossip about each other because they all know each other. Food is good, accommodation cheap nice and clean, service tolerant, laid back, and friendly. I am lying in a hammock on my shaded bungalow balcony out of the heat of the midday sun, writing on my laptop, and glimpsing the sea between the palms.

You may have noticed an eroneous inclusion in the list above.... and here is why.  Thinking of the similarities betwen here and home, there is on fact something we do have in common.  For example, we have similar styles of daytime entertainment.

Yesterday I was sitting on the relatively busy beach..(by busy I mean there were about 30-40 people on the whole beach today, rather than 10-20, none but 4 of them were actually busy doing anything but lying in the sun, or chatting a drinking beer, and those 4 were playing Frisbee) when we were witness to a surprise floor show by the local dogs.

Two male dogs of the 4 or 5 that live on and around the beach started having sex. Urgently and tenaciously

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It suddenly seemed to me as if someone had lowered a giant screen into place on the beach and started playing an episode of Jeremy Kyle Show! I swear it had all the relevant elements.

Immediate headline hits you.....smack, two gay dogs having sex.  First you almost try and ignore it,  then it’s suddenly difficult to tear your eyes away as you swing from surprise, shame and fascination, to a disgusted sense of embarrassment with yourself that you are watching it, and then a  kind of despairing dirty hilarity;  I looked round and everyone on the beach was glued! 

There was a lot of vocal audience participation, shouts of encouragement, derision and the odd “get a room” as they were then joined by a second couple, this time hetero dogs! After a few minutes of this action, which as an audience we were strangely powerless to stop or stop watching, we watched agog as another male dog tried to join the action with hetero couple. There was a tense growly stand off between the two male dogs and then some locals stepped in to separate them with brooms.

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Uneasy peace was made before finally the three straight dogs all headed offstage together happily however the two gay ones remained unfortunately locked together, as dogs do, finally ending up standing bum to bum. They had to stand there looking slightly uncomfortable and unquestionably radiating embarrassment,  for about 15 minutes, looking at their feet and not at the audience, until they were finally able to slip apart, again to hearty applause from the crowd.

So .....Jeremy Kyle Show vs Gay Dog Porn?  Hmm.  Same basic format....yes.   Same dirty feeling from having watched it.....yes. Participants have around the same IQ......yes.  .  Same critical tolerance point before having to stop watching.... yes, approximately.  Same level of informative, life changing substance....yes.  The only difference being that you didn’t actually need Jeremy Kyle for the dog show.

Yes, my conclusion is that there is no virtually difference between Jeremy Kyle and Gay dog porn, as it contained most of the key factors, except that gay dog porn is probably more child friendly, and more likely to give them a realistic view of the world, and you’d never have to see Jeremy Kyle ever again.

Perhaps i should send this in as a review to ITV...